Every once in a while everyone has that special day that they would want to spend with those whom they love around them just having fun, or quietly sitting on the couch cuddling with a good movie. Today would be one of those days, mostly because it's my birthday.

Sadly though, the life and career choices I have made in the past has stopped me from doing that this year. Whilst in the past it's never really bothered me much, tonight it does to a huge extent. Sure there's been plenty of years where I celebrated my birthday far removed from those I love and hold dear and it's never really bothered me as much as it has today.

For the most part I am sure it's because I have always had people around me on birthday, even though most of the time it was co-workers I still had the company of people I got along with. Today however, the reality of it all and my decisions in the past hit home. It hit home really hard and harsh.

Strangely for most of the day it didn't bother me much, mostly due to the fact that I had more than enough paperwork and reports to keep me busy. Even the 140km drive from work in silence didn't make me dwell on the fact that I don't have loved ones close. The gentle hum of the tires on the tar road kept me entertained along with the irritating radio DJ on the station I was tuned to.

It only hit me when I walked into the house. Reality had been laying in wait in the corner of the lounge. Waiting for me to unlock the door, that's when it pounced. The realisation struck that I am alone, there's no-one in this house but me and the haunting reminder that my choices earlier on in life has brought me to this point. I have a loving and amazing wife expecting my daughter back home in Durban, a thought that has kept me going the past 4 weeks and some change.

Yet here I was, alone in an empty house with just my thoughts and a prepared meal that had to be nuked in the microwave. This also brought on feelings that I have been fighting for far to long now. A feeling of utter hate and loathing. I hate being here, I hate getting up at 05:30 in the morning, I hate starting the vehicle, I hate driving that road to the mine and I hate sitting there day in and day out while all I want is to be next to my wife.

I am glad to say though, these thoughts and feelings has brought around something positive. I am starting my job hunt back home with renewed vigour and determination. Should the book of my life have it written for me, I am hoping that when I leave this country in 9 days time it will be the last time for man many years that I have to see it with my naked eye. If not however, I will just have to keep at it until such time as I find suitable employment back home.

For now though, that's my birthday rant. Have a good one folks.