A survivor of an emotional, financial and sexually abusive relationship.
My name is Alveena and I am a survivor of an emotional, financial and sexually abusive relationship.
Throughout my life I have always been strong in self, jovial and full of life…but for a few years I lost myself and this is my story.
It all started when I was much younger- I met a guy at a club and sparks flew. He became dependent on me quite fast – as I had a good job. He soon manipulated me into making me think that he had no-one and because I am a sucker at caring for people – I fell for it.
I announced to my parents that I will be leaving home – the big problem was that – it’s not the way Indian folks do things. My dad told me if I leave now – I cannot come back. I felt as if I had no option because of the dependency that was placed on me by this guy…so I disappointed my parents and family and moved out.
The first time I got slapped really hard for throwing a cushion – needless to say he was very apologetic and promised it would never happen again. That was the beginning of me losing myself and my destruction.
He would constantly swear , hit, insult and made me think that having sex would make everything okay. He would ensure that he gave me hickeys all over my arms and my face for whatever sick reason and this got me into trouble a few times at the company I used to work at.
I know everyone listening might be thinking – THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE…well because I thought my parents wouldn’t allow me back home. I felt useless and all alone.
I soon became pregnant & was hopeful that the abuse would stop. My parents found out I was pregnant and again because I am Indian – my dad demanded that I get married. He asked for a meeting with this guy and he refused- always had excuses.
There were many events where the abuse led to being dragged by my hair and being pushed on the road, being left outside in the cold…and one day waking up and not remembering anything. He took me to our family Dr – who immediately called my parents and asked them to come and fetch me in the fear that something had happened to me and I moved back in with my parents.
He would only come to visit me when my parents were not at home with no willingness to commit or speak to my parents.
I recall a day when I was about 7 months pregnant alone at my parents’ home when I was not feeling well and had serious stomach cramps – so I called him to come and take me to the Dr – he complained about how he already had plans and that I am such an inconvenience. He then did pitch up and the swearing started, he then pushed me into a corner and started to strangle me – because a few neighbours came out – he dragged me into the house where he punched me and kicked me and pulled my hair – he then left. My parents rushed home after the neighbours called them and when my dad went to his house where he threatened my family. I remember trying to fall asleep that night and wishing it would all end…perhaps even wishing that I would just die to be rid of this relationship and as I laid on my bed, I could feel a gentle movement in my tummy as if the baby was telling me- It’s okay- we will be alright.
My daughter was born and a few weeks later he was arrested for assaulting one of his friends sisters- he was jailed. He would send me letters apologising for his actions, telling me that he will change and that he will be making a commitment to us…once he was released he was the same old person. I really wanted to give him a chance – especially because my parents were divorced at a very young age and wanted to give my daughter a good home.
There were lots of family members, friends and colleagues that asked me to leave – but only until I realised I HAD to leave for my safety and sanity and for my daughter’s future was I ready to leave. I truly believe that it was the prayers of all the people around me that helped me understand that I am fearfully & wonderfully made- I am created for a purpose. When I decided to leave - I never looked back.
I am so grateful that God gave me amazing parents who assist and provide in helping my daughter grow and all our family & friends that shower us with love and support.
I hope that as I have shared my story I am able to encourage, empower and inspire girls and women and to help them understand this… – you were never created to be a punching bag, an ATM or a sex slave. You are strong, you are beautiful and you are meant to be valued & treasured.